Obituary: Allan C. Rempel, 1991-2009

Today, I regret to announce the fictional passing of Allan Rempel.  I was self-chosen carefully to write the fake obituary in the event of his not-so-tragic demise.  It goes as follows:

Allan Curtis Rempel has suddenly, tragically, and epically passed on and left for the spiritual realm, leaving prematurely at the age of 18 on November 1, 2009.  He was born on June 4, 1991 and raised in Winnipegosis, Manitoba.  Even though he had no biological siblings, he grew up surrounded by a close extended family, and a supportive church family.  Gifted with an intelligent mind, he had many aspirations and possessed much potential.  Fortunate enough to graduate from high school, his last days were spent attending his first year of college at Providence College in Otterburne, Manitoba, with a goal to move on to Brandon University and earn his degree in computer sciences.

Survived by his parents, Dan and Evelyn Rempel, as well as many friends, including his pretend family consisting of oldest twin brothers Kai Jolley and Dan Johnson, older twins Kirsty Buhler and David Engbrecht, younger sister Kelly Klassen, and pretend parents Jessica Buhler and his recently late father, Jeremy Bergen.  (That’s not to say that his father is recently deceased.  That’s just to say that he is, in fact, late writing this entry on his blog.)   Predeceased by Kelly’s twin Tarrah Tanaka (who unfortunately is no longer with us) and imaginary twin Kwok-Ming. 

Funeral arrangements have been made and due to the nature of the death, a cremation was chosen and a memorial service will be held in Bergen lounge this Saturday at 2 PM, before his ashes will be taken back home.  The memorial service will consist of telling stories about Allan, any jokes about Allan, and then to follow there will be meat, cheese, crackers and a recorded tape of the last Grey Cup game that the Winnipeg Blue Bombers won.

Thus ends a chapter of history in which Allan Rempel was with us.  Again, I stress that Allan has not died.  Save your party decorations for another time.  Tarrah Tanaka also has not died.  She has simply gone to a “better” place (aka home).